#but will never be a core part of me as a person
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Tell Me
Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader
Notes: I've been stressed, I had a dream, don't judge me for this little drabble...
Warnings: Explicit Smut, 18+ Only!, Daddy Issues, Power Dynamics, Alcohol, Vaginal Fingering (Implied), Teasing, Talking You Through It
Word Count: 585
“Tell me what you want.” Desire melted his chestnut eyes to an inky black as they raked over your figure, that darkness finally reaching the very rims of his irises as he stepped closer to you. He held his breath as his palms carefully cupped your kneecaps as if they were coming into contact with something sacred, as if he’d been waiting ages just to touch you.
“Aaron…” You pleaded softly, still unable to believe that this was finally happening as he took a step further between your parting legs.
His hips were now flush against the kitchen counter as his thumbs tickled the skin of your inner thighs, his scent now flooding your senses. You’d caught hints of it before in mere passing… a hug here, a handshake there; that crisp, clean scent driving you absolutely wild as you often let your mind wander to places far too similar to where it is now. Only you never thought that you’d actually wind up here in person until the two of you finished that bottle of red tonight after work. Those fantasies you’d played out a dozen times were on the brink of coming true.
“Do you really need me to say it?” You felt your cheeks blush a brief yet scalding shade of pink, hoping that he wasn’t really expecting you to ask for it out loud.
“Yes.” That single syllable dripped with the authority he reserved only for his suspects, his whispered baritone cutting to your core as he spread your knees even farther apart. “I need to hear you say it.”
His command made you shiver as his fingertips began kneading the muscles in your thighs, forcing every inch of your skin to tingle with a twinge of prolonged anticipation that’s been building since the day you met. You could see the excitement growing beneath the black cloth of his dress pants as his hands traveled even further north, those well manicured fingertips of his already teasing the hem of your underwear as he ignored the evidence of his own growing arousal.
“Do you want me to touch you here?” His stoic tone faltered a bit as his fingers smoothed over the cloth that covered your swollen warmth, dampening a small spot on your panties.
“Yes,” you whispered back, his touch so electric it nearly sizzled up your spine.
“Then tell me.” He repeated, moving his fingers slowly up and down your length, rubbing over your clit just briefly enough to draw a sharp gasp from your lips. “Tell me what you want.”
“I want… I want you to keep touching me.” You admitted, eyelids fluttering as he spread your juices all the way across your underwear over and over again until they were completely soaked through, darkening their color.
“Like this?” He looked deep into your eyes as he slid two fingers beneath the saturated fabric, a hint of a grin curling at his lips as he touched your bare, sensitive skin. That grin turned into the first smile you’d ever seen on his face, your essence now coating his fingers down to the first knuckle as he spread it down your entrance, between your swollen lips and back up against your bud, tugging on it ever so slightly. “You want me to make you come?”
All you could do was nod as his magic fingers sent bursts of pleasure up through your skin and into your muscles, warming your entire body as your breath quickened.
“Good. Now say it out loud.”
#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x reader#thomas gibson#criminal minds#aaron hotchner smut#ssa aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x female reader#aaron hotchner fanfic
96 notes
·
View notes
Note
do you have references for SD-Y and SD-T and can you tell us more about them?
it’s the girls!
took me long enough, gdamn..
I plan on dropping a lore dump on them similar to the one I made for Toma eventually, but for now, here’s some info for them belooooooow
Y and T were both present in the Elliott Manor, but not at the same time.
T was brought to the manor as Louisa’s personal maid, but was then reassigned as Tessa’s nursemaid after she was born. She took care of Tessa and pmuch raised her until she was around 6 years old.
T never liked how the drones were treated in the manor and one day spoke out against their mistreatment. As punishment, T was damaged and left to rot in the swamp.
She was later recovered, experimented on and brought back as a Disassembly Drone by Cyn.
—
Y was thrown out by the Company and was later found and repaired by Tessa and J. Y’s voice box was damaged when she was trashed and was taught how to speak again by Tessa. She picked up Tessa’s accent.
Y’s code is faulty, which causes her to be a bit clumsy. She would often drop or break things which would get Tessa in trouble. J didn’t like that and kept Y close to keep her from breaking anything. Tessa and Cyn could not fix her code. She’s still clumsy.
Y would often observe and even help Tessa repair new drones like V and N. She learned all she knows about drone repair and modifications from her.
—
pre finale
Y and T were part of the same squad. They hunted in an area close to Camp 98.7 and the Mining Facility. They wiped out Outpost 9.
Their leader, B, was killed by the sentinels when he attempted to enter Cabin Fever Labs.
T was ordered to “kill” Y when she was caught sparing the lives of a family of Worker Drones. T brutally ripped Y apart but her core was able to escape damage and got away.
Y took over the body of a dead worker drone and hid away inside Outpost 3 while she secretly built herself a new DDrone body. Uzi was very suspicious of her.
—
post finale
Y has her new body. She opens up a repair/modification shop close to outpost 3. Drones often come to her for repairs or upgrades. She builds Nori a new body (:
T has calmed down a bit and is running around somewhere.
#I’ll add a lot more when I drop their lore#now I just gotta get off my ass and do it#ALSO THIS TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER#THANK YOU FOR WAITING#murder drones#murder drones oc#murder drones y#murder drones t#toma art#ask
131 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝐈𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 (𝐖𝐈𝐏)
Who would have thought that Alastor, the older gentleman who sauntered into the speakeasy you worked at with a character that was so sickeningly suave, so overtly conscientious with everything he did that after many months, he finally managed to convince you to take him home even amidst a storm at an ungodly hour… was inexperienced? Sure, he begrudgingly admitted that he was a virgin as he slipped out of his soaked clothes alongside you, but you’d been with plenty who had dexterous fingers and tongues before.
But apparently, Alastor did not fall into that category. His brilliant mind barely held an inkling of knowledge of what it took to elicit the sinful noises he caught patrons and workers exchanging in the shadows whenever he went outside to relieve his bladder. And after he had unceremoniously clambered into your room from your window, almost knocking down your bedside lamp and alerting your slumbering parents of what their seemingly innocent daughter was up to, he made that painfully obvious to you.
“Alastor Hartfelt, are you teasing me?” You inquired in a hushed tone as your hands wandered down the expanse of his nude back, feeling his warm, damp skin beneath your palms.
He had you pinned to your bed, one hand squeezing the softness of your hip as the other kneaded the inside of your thigh. But that was it. He wouldn’t dare touch you where you needed him the most, even when the tips of his fingers had accidentally grazed your core just a few moments earlier, the thin fabric of your underwear utterly drenched in your anticipation. The sight of your nipples peeking through your slip didn’t tempt him, either—and he always admired your cleavage during your shifts.
“Teasing you?” Alastor eventually mustered as his lips lathered your collarbone with affection, the flesh there bruised from the unforgiving nature of his teeth. “Why would you think so, my darling?”
At first, you thought he was still somewhat drunk, but the kisses you had shared just earlier testified to his sobriety, the taste of rye only but a memory on your tastebuds. However, Alastor was being so unbelievably careful with his hands that you couldn’t quite tell whether he was teasing you or simply unsure… though you had no reason to believe that someone of his caliber didn’t know what to do. He was older, attractive, and got along with the ladies quite well—surely you couldn’t be the first person he’d ever been with, right?
“Because you keep touching me everywhere but there, you know?” You huffed as you hooked a leg around his waist, urging his hips to meet yours. “Come on, Al, my pa’ will be up in a few hours.”
Your clothed core grazed the tent in his briefs, and if you hadn’t let out a moan at the feeling of his cock nudging your clit through your underwear, or if the sky outside hadn’t rumbled with thunder, you would have noticed the breathy gasp that seeped past his lips. But ever the prideful man, he quickly composed himself and moved the hand on your hip down to affectionately grip the leg around his waist, his nails digging into your flesh. Still, you were made aware of his gratification as his cock stirred against your warmth.
“Did I not inform you that I’ve never done this before?” Alastor told you as he withdrew from your collarbone to look at you, the skin between his brows creasing in confusion.
“Yes, you did. Yes,” You blinked as you caught what appeared to be a flicker of nervousness in his gaze. Strange. “Do you not know how to… uh, you know, use your hands?”
It’s not that Alastor didn’t know how to use his hands, no. In fact, he always knew where to touch you, what had you squeaking or gasping in delight when he caught you alone and unaware during your shift, but right now? With… other parts of your body on display underneath him, with you finally at his complete and utter submission, well, he found himself overwhelmed with a lack of confidence due to his inexperience. The last thing he wanted to do was disappoint you, but he had managed to do that anyway, he realized.
“No,” Alastor shook his head in amusement, but you knew it was feigned due to the strained nature of the smile on his face. “Why, here I thought you would guide me,” He added.
“And here I thought you knew how to…” You started, but your words drifted off to a whisper as your skin flared up in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I should have figured that you needed my help.”
𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:
Every time I try to do headcanons, I end up writing a little story instead. I’m sorry, y’all. I have no idea why I’m like this </3
#hazbin hotel x reader#human alastor x reader#human alastor x you#alastor x reader#alastor x reader smut#alastor x you#alastor x you smut#no actual smut yet but i’m tagging it as if so#i just wanted to show y’all i haven’t forgotten about the trick-or-treat thingy#uni is kicking my ass
135 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'd like to say that it's wild how like lookism really just underlines all other forms of bigotry.
Like the insistence that women's value as human beings be tied to their appearance (and that their appearance should be constantly critiqued) is so core to so much of the misogyny you see.
And if you're willing to interpret your gut reaction of disgust towards another person as a problem with them instead of a problem with you then anything and everything can be rationalized. It makes the hate self sustaining.
You're disgusted by the unhoused and the disabled in part because you're so sheltered from their existence that you don't even have to see them as human -> Your disgust must be their fault (you've gotta trust your gut) -> Homeless encampment sweeps and ugly laws etc are suddenly justified -> You're further insulated from their existence.
You see a trans person and you see them as a hideous freak. Either you see them that way because you've been wrongly taught by society to be transphobic or you seeing them that way justifies your transphobia. You have to choose one interpretation of your reaction or the other. The former requires introspection and growth. The latter is how someone else will rationalize hating you too.
But unfortunately I feel like it's not really my place to speak on it because I'm so hot that people literally pay to masturbate to me and have done so for a decade now and to a degree that's allowed me to never have to work a normal job. 💖
57 notes
·
View notes
Note
eveyone calling dabi touya after the reveal is making me wanna claw my eyes out because HOW IS EVERYONE MISSING THE POINT SO FUCKING BADLY
THE POINT IS THAT HE ISN’T TOUYA AND HE NEVER WILL BE AGAIN BECAUSE TOUYA IS DEAD
dabi was created from the ashes of touya and that’s literally the whole point
he can never BE touya again because of the things he’s done and the small issue that touya is legally dead
AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE WANTS TO BE TOUYA AGAIN??????
he wants NOTHING to do with the todoroki’s and tries to actively distance himself from his family
ik he is so fucking pissed in the afterlife because everyone is calling him touya when he’s not touya he’s DABI
same with shigaraki. this one is definitely an unpopular opinion but people calling him tenko just feels so wrong to me
i just hate it when people think that just bc it’s technically their real names is means is *their name*
like sure my legal name is my legal name but *my name* is caleb
anyway i just wanna scream sometimes
You bring a very interesting point!!
This is something I haven't really realised, but now that you mentioned it and now that I am looking back at various different posts, I can tell how different people sometimes use dabi and touya interchangeably and yeah actually it makes sense why you're mad about it.
A core part of Dabi's character is that he is no longer Touya. Touya died the minute he went back to his old home, and everyone forgot about him, and nothing changed. The greif and emotions that young touya held to try and appease to his father burned away turning touya into ashes and that's how dabi was born.
Yes, the phoenix imagery with Dabi is strong. The death of touya, where touya turns into ashes and dabi is born from those ashes, is something so slept on by the fandom!!
People using dabi and touya interchangeably is like someone using jink and powder interchangeably. The plot for both mha and arcane has made it clear that those characters are two different people.
Jink isn't powder, and powder isn't jink. They might be the same person genetically speaking, but they aren't the same when it comes to character and personality.
The same thing goes for dabi and shigaraki. However, the plot of Mha does make it an integral part of Dabi's character it literally focuses and says it directly on chapter 350!!
Dabi, like you said, will never be touya, and touya will never be dabi. I have noticed that even when it comes to me writing my analysis, I have never really used dabi and touya interchangeably. When it comes to me talking about touya, I talk about touya, and when I talk about dabi, I talk about dabi (this doesn't make sense, but I have no way of fully explaining it tbh)
Shigaraki is a bit more complicated and a bit of a grey area. Yes, he also has the same thing as both dabi and jink, yet it's not made or focused to be an integral part of his character. I personally blame the writing for that instead.
With shigarakis character, it's kind of the opposite of jink and dabi. What I mean is that the narrative kind of goes out of its way to make it clear that shigaraki will always be tenko even if he tries to reject that. This can be seen with izuku seeing tenko or during shigaraki's fight with afo and mirio he mentions HIS backstory with HIS friends.
As much as shigaraki may try to reject it, he is tenko, and in the end, he acknowledges that. He dies as both tenko and as the leader of the leauge of villains.
#mha#bnha#mha critical#bnha critical#thanks for the ask#thanks for the ask!#bhna critical#dabi#shigaraki#the fact that i unconsciously use dabi and touya to refer to two different people is somewhat insane#its the same with how jink and powder are two different people#well not really but jink isnt powder and powder isnt jink#just like how dabi isnt touya and touya isnt dabi#metaphorical death of a character
33 notes
·
View notes
Note
Different person, but I saw the reinventing the royals documentary and the parts about how C&C with the help of Mark Bolland used William to legitimize their relationship really disgusted me.
First by leaking the meeting and then by Camilla's surprise attendance of an event that Charles and William were at, where they tried to get a photo of her in the same frame as him
this is a person who was a mother herself but didn't have a problem with using a young boy whose mother had recently died as a publicity method even though he didn't want to and was hurt and betrayed by it, and for that I'll always find her and Charles vile.
Maybe William has forgiven them, or maybe he's just civil, but he's a better person than me either way, because I would never.
Yeah, the William part of Operation PB really bothered me too.
What bothers me the most about Operation PB was Camilla's friend leaking about her first meeting with William in June 1998, the press blowing it up, and William being furious that it leaked to the papers. All the evidence was right there that William was not going to react well to being used.
I was going to say "not going to react well to being used in that phase of his life" but I think the reality is William doesn't like being used period. Charles and Diana probably put him in the middle of their marriage and separation more than we realize, so by the time Camilla and Operation PB were around, William was so over it.
I do wonder at what age William had his "awakening" that people would use him or want to be with him because of his future role. Sometimes I think it was right around this same time period because it's so fundamentally core to him that it hints at it being a formative event while he was still young/youngish.
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sonic and Nine make a toxic duo/“sibling” relationship
And why Silver could easily fit into that dynamic instead
I have mentioned this before not too long ago, but never got the chance to elaborate on why I personally do not like Sonic and Nine as “brothers”. So!!! I’ll take advantage and explain why Silver and Nine are a much better duo :]]
BUT FIRST!!! I want to credit my pookie @abs9lution who came up with this duo in the first place! i have their thread that elaborates further on silver and nine’s dynamic at the end of this post if you’d like to check it out! it also includes a thread on what’ll happen to silver and blaze’s dynamic, and why Blaze’s character was downgraded throughout the years
the end of this post also includes a tldr for those who don’t have the patience to read all this yapping (it’s okay me too 😭)
Table of Contents:
i. sonic and nine’s toxic relationship
ii. explaining how silver’s addition would’ve mattered in sonic prime
iii. why silver and nine would make a better duo as brothers
I. Sonic and Nine, and why their dynamic does not work out.
I feel like I could go on for AGES as to why i genuinely dislike Sonic and Nine as a duo, because there’s just so many things wrong with these two 😭
If you’ve watched Sonic Prime then you’d know Sonic’s goal was to simply bring back Green Hills, with the help of the friends he made along the way.
This also includes Nine (momentarily) before his (EXTREMELY VALID AND JUSTIFIED) villain arc.
Throughout the show it is extremely obvious Sonic only saw Nine as Tails “but angsty”. He didn’t take time to realize that Nine was NOT Tails and never will be. Whilst his main concern was to bring back his friends, I feel like no one talks about how demeaning this was 😭
The poor kid has absolutely no idea what a friendship is like, so having Sonic rely on him for even a little bit was bound to become a heavily over attached and almost obsessive-one sided dynamic.
So no, it’s not meant to be “toxic brothers!!!” core, it is sooo downgrading to not only Nine’s trauma imho, but also the whole plot of S3 in Sonic Prime. They CANNOT be brothers 😭
This is often dismissed just for the fact of “lol sonic and tails brother ship in all universes”
Do not get my wrong, I adore the Unbreakable Bond stuff, I think they’re the brothers ever!! HOWEVER, this should not apply with Sonic and Nine for obvious reasons.
I can yap more about this but the main purpose of this post is about Silver and Nine, so I’ll keep this section short!!
II. Silver should’ve been in Sonic Prime and I will die on this hill
LIKE??? ITS LITERALLY ABOUT THE MULTIVERSE WHY WOULDN’T HE (and Blaze) BE IN THIS SHOW???
Silver in general needs to be in more official media but that’s a rant for another post 😭
His addition to this show would’ve been sooo important, it actually would’ve changed a lot of the plot and even the ending of S3 (which was absolute shit imo 😭)
I don’t have a lot to say about this part of the post, apart from the fact his inclusion would have made the show more interesting, and his background is very similar to Nine!! (Which I’ll explain in the next section)
III. Why Silver and Nine would make a better bond than with Sonic.
they have similar backgrounds and interests! both come from a dystopian city with the want for change; one wants to leave and make a new world, while the other wants to help fix his.
They both balance each other nicely! And YES I KNOW THE SAME IS FOR SONIC. THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT THERES NO TRAUMA INVOLVED BETWEEN THE TWO 😭 and it’s not a complete copy of sonic and tails but with an angsty version of the fox
silver wouldn’t see nine as “tails but angsty” or just another version of tails, I think he’d see nine as his own person!! they could keep each other company and be the sillies ever
Something I like about this is the fact it’s not EXACTLY like sonic and tails, and they can still have that brother bond!! They have tons of potential, which is why I ignore canon and follow my delusions in fanon 😁
TLDR: sonic and nine booooo silver and nine yippee!!! /hj
okay in a serious note, sonic and nine just wouldn’t have a healthy friendship that wouldn’t have one-sided obsession and lots of toxicity, while silver, a character that albeit random, still has enough similarities to fit into that role!!
Please read the thread behind the mastermind of this headcanon!! They explain the details I’ve put in this post, but I’d like for you guys to read it too. It includes a separate thread by another person based on Blaze and Silver’s odd dynamic and why it’s often brushed off!!
sorry for any spelling errors I did NOT proofread this
art by BREADBURNE86414 on twt!!
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Episode 27
Oh, "the demon who was destined to be killed by him" eh?
(That definitely doesn't bode well for the ending)
Oh baby girl...
WHOAH. What up? She's straight up admitting... Zhuo Yichen is her best friend. And Zhao Yuanzhou is her beloved?!!
Oh SHIT!!
Nice save Sijing but jfc!!
OH FUCK!! Dang, girl!
He kept the fucking flowers that she gave him as a birthday gift on the first day them met. Daaaaaaaaamn.
Oh shiiiittt. Did he believe what she told him then that they are flowers that can make people forget their worries? And is that why he left them for her in the box that he prepared to be given to her if he died? So she can forget her worries/sorrows after he's gone? 😭😭
Or just left them to her as a reminder to her to not dwell on her troubles?
Oh dang, Chen Duling is breaking my heart. Never thought I'd see the day...
Uh oh... a test, you say?
Is that... Bingyi and Ying Long?
Oh DON'T fucking tell me that when Bingyi killed Ying Long it was the exact same fucking circumstances and Ying Long asked Bingyi to kill him to save the world? Is that what was meant by "the demon he is destined to kill"? Is this a fucking never-ending cycle of the Bingyi family line having to kill the Great Demon of the time?
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Oh fuck me, they forged the sword before Ying Long died? He broke his bones and horns while still alive to forge the sword? But it wasn't enough?
How the fuck does Hou Minghao look so different for each character he plays? Zhao Yuanzhou. His own demonic core. Ying Long. All the same guy but somehow all look like a different person?!!
Goddamn Tian Jiauru's eye make-up as Bingyi is fucking beautiful.
Ahhh fuck Zhao Yuanzhou kept saying when demons die they become stars.
Goddamn this fucking show is beautiful.
Oh goddamn...
Yeeeeeeaaaaah I think we just had a preview of how the show's gonna end...
Heheheeeh. Zhao Yuanzhou is a snidey bitch at all times.
Aaaaaand it's the same fates for Zhao Yuanzhou and Zhuo Yichen, isn't it?
So can we. So can we. 😭😭😭
Ugh so Yichen's trial will be the future, not the past. But will he make the right choice?
Pretty fucking cruel making him effectively live through that choice - that moment - twice Ying Long.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh
Until you have to kill him to save the fucking world of course...
Wait up now, that sounds like Ying Long is wishing them to stay together and not that Zhao Yuanzhou needs to die?
Uuuuh, five?
I mean... LOVE that you're keeping Xiao Jiu in mind but... isn't Ying Lei also a part of your team?!!
They better give me a group hug. We fucking deserve it.
I thought for a second she was gonna kiss him...
I also thought for a second it was the contract that made her hesitate and not hug him... but no, she's so upset at him sacrificing himself that she's mad at him for putting her through that.
(Btw Wen Xiao you have admitted to yourself and out loud that you love him - can you please tear up that fucking contract so you guys can at least have a kiss (before he dies - cos he's gonna fucking die isn't he?))
Awww and Yichen's kinda melancholy expression at the realization that it is Zhao Yuanzhou she loves (but his little wistful smile... he's okay with that)
(Still not gonna stop with the throuple headcanons though - don't worry cdrama, fandom will tell the stories we know you can't)
Oh dang, Ying Long is saving Zhuo Yichen's life by taking back the Bingyi blood?
Oh SHIT, even better... he can't remove the demon blood from where it has merged with Zhuo Yichen, but he can give him the ability to form a demon core and properly become a demon!!
And Yichen has truly understood and accepted that demons are no different/no worse than humans, it is your actions and the choices you make that matter, not what you are born as (or become). So his fear of becoming a demon is gone. He actively chooses to become a demon.
So Yichen will end up carrying the last remaining traces of both Bingyi and Ling Yong.
Ugh the way Zhao Yuanzhou immediately shields Wen Xiao...
Hey if Zhuo Yichen's true form is a dragon... can't he get a dragon scale from himself to repair the sword?!
Hahahaaaaa
OMG call back to ep 1!
Bai Jiu momma!!
Oh do you now?
Is that the Chongwu camp hybrid dude who's got Ao Yin's shapeshifting powers?
How did the Chongwu fuckers even get into the Wilderness? I thought the mountain gods were guarding the Kunlun gate?
Oh what now?
Are you doomed in some way too Wen Xiao? Aaaaaan they are not showing us the answer... which means we'll probably find out via a flashback at some pivotal moment in the future...
Oh SHIT it was Princess Long Yu who killed Wen Xiao's dad?
How do they make him look so baby in the flashbacks?!!
Oh what the fuck, Wen Zongyu had... a thing?... with Princess Long yu?!!!
P.S. Ahhhhh we've got Bingyi and Ling Yong costumes in the end credits dancing now!!
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Wrapping up the season with a redraw (Jan 2024)!
Thank you all for these last 6 months, I have loved making so many people laugh from my silly comics B*)
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#laios touden#marcille donato#senshi#chilchuk tims#izutsumi#When I start my weekly dungeon Meshi posting#I never would have thought it would have pushed me to grow so much as an artist.#Nor that some of those comics would become some of the most popular things I've ever made!#I really did just want to start incorporating some more self-indulgent art into my week.#I love this series dearly and it has been a delight to be able to draw these characters and see so many new people learn to love them#Oh and don't get worried; I *will* still be drawing dungeon meshi fan art now-and-again.#I have a really cool thing to show off next Thursday!#I've been a fan for nearly a decade. This isn't a hyperfixation this is a part of my core personality.#This anime adaptation was beyond good. I'm so excited to see season two!
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
tales of the passerine - danny fenton being bruce wayne's first kid
okay okay. so this is like a continuation/elaboration of my oneshot/prompt i wrote about the idea that Danny was the first batkid. We have a lot of aus where he joins the family after the rest of the bats do, right? So hey! Lets shake things up a bit. Danny is the first to be adopted by Bruce Wayne.
Danny's parents and unfortunately Jazz die shortly after the events of TUE -- how so? I was gonna say an ecto-filter explosion, that would call back to the TUE explosion and trauma behind that. But lets do something new! Carbon-monoxide poisoning.
It's not too unexpected for something to break in the Fenton house, especially with the Fenton parents' questionable understanding of proper weapon handling and lab safety. The water heater broke from a stray shot by one of the weapons, and was promptly MacGyver'd incorrectly. Danny went to stay with Tucker for a guys' night, and came back to a dead silent house.
(Danny's neighbors got a very unfortunate shock when he ran to the next house over in hysterics.)
There was a lot of shuffling around with CPS, the police. People had to be called in to handle the equipment in the lab, and the GIW was rumoring to show up in aid to clearing the scene. When Danny heard of that, he immediately went and dismantled the ghost portal to the best of his abilities. He burned the physical blueprints of all his parents' inventions, their blueprints on the ghost portal, and their most dangerous weapons were destroyed beyond recognition. Anything to prevent the GIW from getting their hands on his parents' tech.
It opened up another investigation, but he was not under the list of suspects. He was placed in the care of Vlad Masters, where they then went back to the rebuilt castle mansion in Wisconsin. Danny, terrified of the future that has once passed and may do so again, shuts down in his grief. Inadvertently, he ends up somewhat repressing his ghost half. Something Vlad, who is grieving Madeline but relishing in Jack's demise and his custody of Daniel, is not very happy with.
Vlad's... gone into a bit of a mental health spiral. He's becoming increasingly possessive over Daniel, the final remnants of his friends and a liminal being like him. He doesn't like that Danny's repressing his ghost half -- both out of genuine concern as a ghost, but also because of his desire to control Danny and groom him into the perfect son. If you ever had a phase where you read Dark SBI found family fics, first off; me too bro, and second off; those are the vibes I'm thinking of.
Danny's mentally shut down from grief! And fear. He's dropped into a bad depressive state -- paralyzed with grief and the terror of the inevitable. Clockwork saved his parents because he believes in second chances, but what's the point of that when his family ended up dead anyways? Danny doesn't wanna believe that he's destined to become evil, and he's holding out onto that hope, but it's a thin line, and he feels utterly hopeless and trapped. He hasn't used his powers or ghost form since he trashed the lab, and Vlad has alarms set up to prevent him from trying to escape.
He's also unintentionally cut off Sam and Tucker -- both of whom are so scared and concerned for Danny too, and are trying their damndest to reach out to him. He keeps ignoring their texts. Danny basically haunts Vlad's manor. He goes out to eat if he has to, attends parties Vlad drags him to, and stays in his room all day if he can.
At parties, Vlad doesn't allow Danny to leave his side, or really talk to anyone -- not that Danny wants to. A product of Vlad's increasing possessiveness. Well, he almost doesn't let Danny leave his side. Danny has a habit of slipping off to hide somewhere for the parties whenever he can, and Vlad reluctantly allows it so long as he stays alone.
This becomes an advantage when eventually, Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham after missing for years, and holds a bright charity ball to celebrate the return. Vlad has been chomping at the bits to get his hands on Wayne Industries, and with the return of its owner there is no better opportunity to wipe out his rival. He goes, and he as normal, brings Daniel with him.
Vlad thinks Wayne will bleed his little heart out for Daniel's poor orphan sob story -- he's a fellow orphan himself, after all. He's not wrong; Wayne's little heart will bleed, just not in the way that benefits him.
Bruce sees Vlad and Danny approaching before they're even close enough to introduce themselves - and like with many of the children he will soon come to care for, it's like someone set a mirror into the past right in front of him.
Danny Fenton's suit is tailor-made for him, and despite the fact that it's his perfect size, the sag in his shoulders, the ducked down head, and the way he hunches into himself all pictures the image of a child in shoes too big for him. There's a far away, glazed over look in his eyes and grief marble-cut into the lines of his face. There's not enough makeup in the world that will hide the dark circles under his eyes.
("My nephew, Daniel Fenton." Vlad's hands are possessive on Danny's shoulders. Bruce immediately notices the way the boy tenses under his touch. "His parents passed recently, and as his godfather I was designated his guardian.") ("I'm so sorry, the loss must've been terrible.") ("Yes, carbon-monoxide poisoning caused it. Daniel was out with friends, when he came home... they had already passed.") (Bruce immediately dislikes that Vlad shared the details of their death unprompted -- he likes it even less when Danny flinches at the reminder and hunches into himself.)
Danny runs off at some point earlier into the charity. At this point, parties are still being held at Wayne Manor (because iirc google search mentioned that was a thing at first before it was changed), so he disappears and hides in one of the empty rooms nearby. It just so happens to be the same room Bruce Wayne hides in when he needs a break from all of the socialization.
Thus begins a long, long process of trust. Bruce can't reveal his hand as being smarter than he looks, but he can be compassionate. Kindness needs no measure of intelligence. He keeps Danny company for as long as he can before he runs the risk of being found.
Rinse and repeat. Vlad insistently wants Wayne Industries, and he'll go to as many Wayne parties as he can to get his hooks into the man. The problem is that Bruce Wayne is never alone, and getting him alone is impossible. Finding him too. It's like the man never stops moving. Always talking to someone, always circling somewhere. He orbits around the room as if he isn't the sun of the Gotham Elite's solar system.
Danny's had such repetitive behavior that Vlad never thinks to believe that Bruce Wayne is disappearing to go talk to him. That "Vlad's" son is even interacting with him at all. Danny never gives him a reason to think so, and neither does Bruce.
Danny doesn't actually acknowledge Bruce until a handful of parties in, where he hands Bruce a small slip of paper he smuggled in that says; "don't trust Vlad". Danny's face stays carefully blank, but he's so tense that his hands are trembling, and he's purposely looking away from him. Bruce plasters a smile onto his face, slips the paper into his pocket, and tells him "okay".
(he's been busy with his own goals with the mafia, but he sets aside time to investigate Vlad Masters. He was holding off. Until now.)
Danny does eventually start speaking to Bruce, he's starting to really like the guy. He's starting to see a little hope, even as Vlad is starting to get more and more agitated with him the more he refuses to use his powers.
He reaches out to Sam and Tucker again, and starts trying to reconnect with them. Vlad has spyware on his phone, and he limits the amount of times he can talk to them. A weird parental control lock of some sort that leaves a time limit on how long he can talk to them for. 30 minutes. Danny doesn't tell them anything about Mr. Wayne.
Danny, slowly, wants out of here, and he's slowly gathering the motivation to do it. Vlad is genuinely scaring him -- and Danny wonders just how truthful the past-future Vlad was when he told him that Danny wanted his ghost half separate. He starts trying to come up with an escape plan.
Vlad has anti-ghost wards everywhere around the mansion, and while they're always on, they boost to full power at sunset. The doors and windows are always locked, all main exits have alarms set on them. The only reason it's not super extensive is because Danny hasn't tried leaving at all yet, so Vlad hasn't had to tighten anything.
At night, Vlad locks the door to his room and puts up an anti-ghost ward around the room. The mansion is on the outside westward side of Madison, more entrenched in rural Wisconsin. The closest town is a four-way stop sign with one house on three corners, and an open bar on the fourth. Not much to go.
He refuses to go to Sam and Tucker; Vlad would look there first. It's too dangerous. Vlad would sound alarm bells and have a manhunt looking for him, Danny can't risk going just anywhere. Too much risk of being found, sold out, or caught. There's really nowhere for him to hide.
Until there is. Bruce is telling Danny about the history of Wayne Manor, and says, as casually as saying the weather; "The manor has dozens of empty rooms, I'm sure Alfred wouldn't mind filling another one if he could." And quietly, hesitantly, Bruce places a careful hand on Danny's shoulder, unrestrictive and gentle; "He wouldn't mind getting one ready for you if you need one."
And there it is. There's his out.
Danny, just as quietly, replies; "I'll keep that in mind."
The ball starts rolling.
Now I've been trying to summarize this au as much as possible for length convenience, but Vlad has been steadily growing more and more controlling. More emotionally manipulative. More agitated at Danny for not using his powers.
He wants Wayne Industries under his thumb but he's been steadily growing more and more concerned with Danny. He's started grabbing him, yanking him around, shaking him; trying to goad him into using his powers. He gets angry when Danny doesn't react, or tells him he doesn't want to use his powers. He hasn't outright attacked him, but he's getting there. This has been happening over the time it takes for Bruce to indirectly offer Danny sanctuary at his home.
It all comes to a head when Vlad stops going to parties at all -- something Danny has to pretend he isn't upset about -- because Vlad doesn't want him around other people anymore. Vlad rarely goes now without him, and only leaves to go to a Wayne function or to handle something at VladCo.
Danny can't wait for Vlad to leave long enough to escape. So he leaves during the night of a big storm. Vlad's locked him in his room, but Danny doesn't bother trying to go for it; he goes to the alarmed window instead. Danny's been repressing his ghost half so long that he can't access his powers immediately anymore -- he can feel it, he knows its there, but he can't quite reach it.
He breaks the lock by hand.
Immediately the alarm goes off through the entire castle, filling the room with red, and he scrambles for the rope the Wisconsin Ghost left for him a few months back. Danny's already out and climbing down the side of the castle before Vlad even reaches his door -- the only good thing about the entire room being ghost-proof is that Vlad can't get in that way.
The rope ends before it reaches the bottom, and he's still twenty feet in the air. It won't kill him if he lands it right. Danny takes his chances, and drops. He breaks his ankle, but he survives.
And he fucking books it to the back garden. He hears Vlad shrieking over the thunder and rain.
I'll save the full experience for a future oneshot, but Danny makes it out into the nearby woods and forcibly experiences what it's like to be in a horror game, trying to hide from the thing that's hunting you. There's only one thing going through his mind; "i'm going to die"
I have this mental image for this scene. Very stereotypical horror imo. Where Danny is hiding behind a tree, with a hand over his mouth, and Vlad is a few feet away from him, glowing ominously red through the trees, trying to search for him.
Danny doesn't get away from this unscathed, but he does get away alive. That's all he could ask for. He gets away by getting his ghost half awakened long enough to transform into Phantom and fly to Gotham.
But he gets to Wayne Manor, he gets to Bruce. Or, at least, Alfred answers the door from his insistent pounding. Danny's just in tears and Alfred gets him in the living room, wrapped in a towel, with ice on his swollen leg before he has to step out and alert Bruce.
Bruce already breaks multiple traffic laws on a nightly basis. And that's just with the sheer existence of the batmobile itself, not including the speeding and military artillery attached. He breaks double the amount trying to speed back to the cave and get out of the suit.
Right off the bat: Bruce will know, at least before Dick enters the picture, about danny's powers. He'll figure out something considering the fact that Danny traveled from Wisconsin to New York in a single night. That'll be a bit of complicated affair, but I've already got something in mind.
Actually it'll probably be very soon after Danny joins the family, because Bruce tries to offer to fight for custody for Danny - the state Danny was in at arrival is clear enough evidence for a trial. But Danny immediately shuts it down, says it's not going to work and then Vlad will know Danny's with him and he won't be safe. He tells him that Vlad cannot know Danny was with Bruce.
Danny's biggest regret was not telling his parents he was a halfa, and while he doesn't want to tell mister wayne (yet), he does tell him about Vlad being one. He needs to know why Danny can't be seen with Bruce. So he tells him, and Danny's current plan is to just hide out from Vlad until he turns 18. That way, he has no more legal jurisdiction over him. After that? He's not sure.
And to wrap this up, since this has already gotten very long and I can make more posts about this au later; I've thought about it, and I'm going to say that Danny does become a vigilante before Dick enters the scene. He goes by, as you probably guessed; Nightingale. "Gale" for short.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#tales of the passerine au#i dont want to overemphasize how much vlad sucks but also i dont want to downplay it. but also i didn't wanna make this post too long#i didn't emphasize enough on vlad's possessiveness but i wanted to make this post as general enough as possible for the au.#for some more wiggle room in the future if i make more posts about this au.#the consequences for Danny repressing himself was not a concern i was focused on for the post but i am thinking about it and mulling it ove#i'll be blunt my main specific reason for why this occurs shortly after tue is bc it means dani doesn't exist yet and it means i dont have#to include her in the continuation of this au. i love that girl but she's a dead weight. i dont wanna come up with an elaborate reason as#to why she's not in the picture when i can just say 'she never created in the first place' instead. i don't have anything for her to do#I don't want to risk giving her a poor plot line just so that she exists in au.#sometimes i really hate just how long my posts get. i feel like it kills my engagement. but i also don't want to make posts that have#a part 1 and part 2 just because I think it got too long.#i feel kinda bad for having Danny take the spot of 'first partner' from Dick. But that was part of the reason i was inspired to make this a#i've already got the skeleton of a reasoning for danny becoming a vigilante being made in my head.#He can't go by Phantom since that risks drawing Vlad's attention -- a new vigilante showing up in Gotham. a place the visited frequently#who goes by the name Phantom? He'd be on that faster than chickens on meat. and nightingale has familial meaning behind it due to being#part of an ancestral name. it follows robin's theme of using it to honor his parents while still having its own unique enough lore to stand#on its own without feeling like a cheap copy. plus the bonus meta reason that it follows the bird theme. which personally is vital to me#my other alternative to Nightingale is Sparrow. mostly because it has good phonetic structure for a hero name. not too many syllables#a good balance of consonants and vowels. dont want a hero name with too many syllables or unbalanced consonants. or worse; both.#my reasonings is that hero names should be easy for a civ or teammate to yell while still being understood. max amount of syllables before#it threatens to become too wordy is 3. If it goes over 3 it should have a balanced consonant-vowel ratio. Wonder Woman is a good example#some things got cut here that were in the initial oneshot. like danny giving bruce his physical ghost core and showing up bloody.#the first son au
361 notes
·
View notes
Text
is it fair to call people like this "hack writers" if the only way they find a relationship interesting is when it involves pedophilia, incest, cannibalism or necrophilia?
#context: this was in response to a quote about cannibalism in a romantic context#note: this is purely in a writing perspective.#i find the value in romantic cannibalism because it is a interesting metaphor in general#but maybe look at irl examples of cannibalism and you'll realize that it is WAY more complicated#(ex. families in different cultures eating parts of a dead family member to connect them together; even after death)#(or the written historical accounts of slave-owners cannibalizing their slaves & the subsequent trauma for black people related to it)#cannibalism as a metaphor should never be restrained to only romance or love#do you recognize how interesting it can be to use cannibalism as a metaphor for hate? or for literally anything else?#it can be used as a metaphor for control; power; possession; abuse or destroying someone at their very core#im sure it can be used for both simultaneously but i think its limiting to perceive it as 100% romantic#also it limits the discussions of real life cannibalism; both modern and historical#+ is it really impossible to think of a “forbidden relationship” without these 4 subjects?#but the persons' bio starts w/ them being into winc3st (the one who wrote that) so i dont think they give a shit#(sorry for the fuck-ton of tags. it always bothered me as someone who does writing analysis sometimes & get fixated on culture and history)#[just me yapping]#ok to rb#proships dni#tw pedophila mention#tw incest mention#tw necrophillia#racism tw#tw cannibalism#<- these definitely apply here
28 notes
·
View notes
Note
Character Ask Meme
Lyney 14, 15 and 23
[Character Analysis Ask Meme]
Would Lyney be honest with you?
With his outgoing and fun personality, it oftentimes is easy to get caught within his flow. Lyney is the charming sort, after all, that one may very well forget that he is subject to the same struggles as the rest. Get to know him well enough, though, and you will quickly realize that this is not a fact he wishes others to know. More than a desire, he needs to be seen as someone in control, as someone without weakness. That’s his role as the big brother. And if that means lying, avoiding, and omitting the truth to accomplish it, then as an accomplished performer he will do as he must.
Does Lyney prefer to pursue or be pursued?
With a penchant for flair and dramatics, it’s clear to see Lyney prefers to pursue the people he’s interested in. Really, it’s one of the things he goes all out. With a trick up his sleeve, he won’t hesitate to dazzle you with flowers pulled from nowhere and fireworks from his tophat. He wants you to be enchanted. He wants you to be impressed! You are, aren’t you? You like it, don’t you? So focused on charming you that he often loses sight of much else. Fun fact, should you attempt to turn the tables, however, you can expect his mask of self-confidence to fall to reveal a rather flustered expression beneath.
Headcanons under the cut!
Headcanons
Self-focused - If there’s one thing that’s true about Lyney, it is that he is a very busy person. As a person with multiple masks and roles, his thoughts are often preoccupied with House missions, performances, new tricks, and things of the like. So, much to the dismay of others, it’s easy for things to become buried under the multitude of other tasks he needs to take care of. How often the simple things become forgotten—where he last left his wallet, tea time with his siblings, the sale on picture books at the bookstore. During those times, he really can’t help but appreciate his siblings and their ability to keep him on track. Really, he doesn’t know what he’d do without them!
Relationship-focused - It doesn’t hit you at first, but it doesn’t take you very long to notice how hard Lyney tries for your relationship. Normally this would be a good thing, but it is different with Lyney. Every day he tries to charm you. Every day he attempts to enchant you. You tell him he doesn’t need to try so hard, but that only seems to light a fire beneath him to do even more. You see it in his eyes. He needs to know you are still in awe of him, that you like him as much as he does you. And then it sinks in, doesn’t it? He doesn’t trust you. He doesn’t trust your feelings for him. You’re not sure if he ever will.
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#lyney#lyney x reader#my writing#character analysis#okay let’s talk lyney for a bit#i think the biggest thing to know about lyney is that at his core he is an insecure person#insecure and anxious#imo he’s extremely attached to his title of ‘big brother’ that he needs to fulfill the duties if such#he needs to protect his siblings and be a person others can rely on#this belief is so strong that he refuses to rely on arlecchino for help and snaps at freminet for trying to get him to open up#he really cares about the way he’s perceived#remember when the traveler found out he’s part of the fatui and he spends his time bending over backwards to try to get them to trust him#‘like me! like me! please. i’m trustworthy i’ll never lie to you please!!’#honestly imo that’s just one if his faults like lyney is unstable#idk what possessed arlecchino to make him her successor like he’d crack under pressure#lynette is a way better option#but anyway bc of these things he would not trust his partner in a relationship. he wouldn’t rely on them#he’d never feel secure which would prompt him to keep trying too hard to ensure he’s still the person he thinks you fell in love with#the most important thing to remember with lyney is that he is a performer and the face he shows to the world is essentially a mask#on a separate note tho anon like…#you probably didn’t mean it but i am not a machine that generates text whenever you order me#answering these things takes time effort and energy#so like… if you’re going to send in an ask please at the very least say please or thank you#hell even a heart emoji would suffice LOL#sorry the headcanons are not the most romantic i’m no good with overtly romantic things
84 notes
·
View notes
Note
This is random I follow you for the BL content but I just saw your Magicians posts and SAME like no show ever betrayed me like this show did, to the point I gave up on it completely and never went back. Thinking of queliot still fills me with both joy and rage to this day lmao. What a nonsense waste.
@inrainbowz, I'm a sucker for a monster taking over a character and a person he loves having to find a glimpse of him within that monster.
Like the Nogitsune plot in Teen Wolf when STILES STABBED SCOTT, yet Scott still knew his friend was somewhere in there and didn't want to hurt Stiles even though he could have killed him.
Because Stiles had saved Scott before when Scott was going to kill himself but Stiles brought his friend back by reminding him of all the good memories between them (SEASON 3 SUPREMACY!).
So of course I was going to love when everyone believed Eliot was gone, only for Quentin to know his friend was still alive in his body hiding from the Monster.
And right when he was ready to kill the Monster believing even if Eliot was still in there, he was suffering, Eliot came through BECAUSE OF HIS LOVE FOR QUENTIN!
WHO GETS PROOF OF CONCEPT LIKE THAT?!
So no matter how many times these shows do me dirty, I will always be a sucker over seeing the person you love turn into a monster, but loving him anyways. Seeing the body of the one person who your soul calls to become the villain, yet still believing that somewhere in there is good. That somewhere in there is the person who would fight to save you if the roles were reversed. And the love between you two being the thing to save you both.
*sobbing* peaches and plums, motherfucker
#the magicians#queliot#teen wolf#sciles#loving a monster#loving the villain#seeing the beauty hiding inside#I'm gonna be stuck here for a minute#it's been ten years since season 3 of teen wolf and I'M STILL THERE#five years since A Life in the Day and I'M STILL THERE!#never getting over them#they are a crucial part of me now#they have shaped me#they rewired my brain#they are a core part of my personality#crying in the club
106 notes
·
View notes
Text
If you truly want to do what's best for mentally ill people, you have to learn that you often won't be able to separate the "salvageable" parts of ourselves with our illnesses, and you can't pretend like we are sane people underneath the façade of insanity, like we can flip a switch and magically erase the differences that make us "disordered"
#mental health#mental health advocacy#i'm not sure how best to explain it but i see this attitude a lot that anything even mildly 'unsightly' must be punished or ignored...#...or fear mongered...#...or this idea that we *are* just secretly... not disordered and that we can choose every single aspect of our disorders and how...#...that will impact us and our world#it's really hard to explain if you haven't experienced it yourself. it's so hard to know that who you Fundamentally Are is seen as unhuman#that you cannot be disordered and seen as an equal in so many scenarios is precisely what i mean by 'if you want to do right [by us]'#we shouldn't HAVE to present as non-disordered or non-ill just to be treated like a person#i shouldn't have to be forced to pretend like my illnesses are an optional part of who i am that OTHERS should ignore so they can 'love me'#my illnesses are intrinsically tied to Who I Am. i will never have the opportunity to know what Being Sane is like and i shouldn't...#...have to pretend like that isn't the case#it's just fucked up to me to know that people would rather that we just... ignore often fundamental parts of who we are for *their* comfort#maybe that's how i'd word it? i find this a very complex topic but at the core...#...the idea is that we shouldn't have to fucking live a lie for the sake of the 'normal' folk#(obviously 'normal' isn't accurate on a technical level but it conveys how i see the conflict)
134 notes
·
View notes
Text
this might be a tad too personal of a post But do you guys ever come out and then stop c aring about your gender and then, some time later, realize that your loved ones slowly overtime start treating you as if youre not that gender Still just because youre just not like. scrambling to get top surgery
do you ever look at urself in the mirror a year after you came out and realize that you still dont like to talk about gender, that you let distant relatives say "oh he, or she or whatever", that you dont correct anyone calling you a "whatever" or a "they" even though youre binary, that you feel more and more insecure about it and that you like. just dont like how they talk about you as if youre nonbinary even though youve told them youre a man for two years now!
#this IS too personal LMAO#but idk. i feel like i lowk went back in the closet as i came out#its rly weird#trans#ftm#mtf#idk. its so exhausting#i wanna not care i reaally do#i dont want my transness to be my personality 24/7#but. they make it really hard#thwy just dont fucking respect it at aol#theyll never believe me about it to their core#IFGSHDGSHSV IN TIRED!!!!! IM SO TIRE#genuinely one of the hardest parts of being trans is. i WANT it to not be the center of my univers#personally i just like that idea#but its fucking impossible. because cis people just dont respect us#nyways
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like
#idk he knows me more than anyone bc i can't hide the parts i'm ashamed of from him#last night he was like. yeah EYE think you have adhd but i'm just some guy#idk i'm excited about this not because i want to be Quirky for internet reasons. yknow. but bc i've felt like an impostor of a human being#and i have no sense of self and i can't get myself to do basic tasks and the thought of doing something i don't want to do#genuinely makes me want to throw up/my brain shuts down/i can't think or talk or function to the point where i can't work.#so i can't support myself. so i feel terrible about myself. and i've been in and out of therapy for 20 years and have numerous diagnoses#that have never really felt like they fully encapsulate what's going on. and like. i've kinda just internalized that i'm not as good at#being a person as everyone else because i struggle so so much. like yeah i did well in school but i had to sacrifice literally everything#else to do that. idk how everyone else is managing to have a job and hobbies and friends#i get to pick like. one now. i used to be able to juggle everything to some degree although i felt like i was being careless in all areas#except school. i'm so scared of making mistakes or starting anything or talking to new people or trying new hobbies#because i know it won't interest me more than a couple weeks MAX and i'll feel listless and restless again#and i've come to understand this as part of who i am at my core. i'm just someone who can't commit and isn't reliable or a good friend#i just want so badly for that not to be the case because i want so badly to not be stuck like this#idk im going home to talk to my dad this weekend and just rest because i'm really really not doing well#which is why i'm scrambling to try to figure out what's going on with me because idk how much longer i feasibly can do this#and i might be moving back to the pnw bc therapists in pa don't work with medicaid#and no psychiatrists near me are taking new patients. and i can't work to get on private insurance. but therapists in or do work w medicaid#so idk. again if youre diagnosed w adhd and this sounds not like someone who is consuming social media brain rot content about adhd#but rather someone whose experiences you identify with. please let me know. please please#i am reaching out to professionals also but things move slowly and i'm trying to compile evidence so i don't sound like i'm making it up
8 notes
·
View notes